home

"In Him, 

you also are being 

built together

into a dwelling place for God

by the Spirit."

Ephesians 2:22

Today, I'm practicing actually believing that truth. Every day, all of the mishaps and mis-shaped plans. Bitter sides of me. Beautiful revelations. Grace. Opened doors. Many being shut. Light shining in dark corners. Greater, much greater, purposes for my life, for His kingdom. Chosen by the King. Loved, even. Adored, even more. I am His home, and He is my home. Resting, dwelling, abiding, discovering. 

sanctuary

sanc·tu·ar·y, n.

a sacred place

a place of refuge or asylum

shelter

I desire it more and more. The quiet, the rest. The more I desire it, the more I seek it out. Open the Book of Life and Truth, read with an open heart. Play the songs that make my soul lift out of my chest or start my legs to dancing beneath me. Pray and pray even more honestly than I thought possible. Practice more yoga, connecting to this body, the one I've been gifted. Expand the muscles and skin, all the way up to the corners of my mouth where a subtle grin is found. Love and care for the man I'm with, and my beautiful family that surrounds and supports me. Linger in my garden, picking the fresh vegetables and juicing them for a healthy treat. Read more fiction novels, with vigor. Less screen time. Deep breathes. Sit outside, still. 

And the more I seek it out, the more I find it. Sanctuary. Refuge. Shelter. 
And then Joy, Vision, Understanding. 

"Keep me as the apple of your eye;

hide me in the shadow of your wings"

Psalm 17:8

intentionality

Okay, here's what I don't like about "the real world".

Excuses.

Suddenly, there are so many ridiculous reasons for why I can't go hike the woods, paint a blank canvas, or read a fine novel. I have to fold my laundry. I need to pick up the house. I have to organize the pantry. I need to drive back and forth to work. I'm tired from work. I haven't eaten yet. I can't stay up too late. I have nobody to go with. I have lists to write out of things I need to do.

Somehow while I was in college, taking twenty-two credit hours a semester, writing papers, meeting groups, finishing up massage school, writing in my blog, baking, going to yoga, and riding my bike everywhere-- I also fit in time to hike, paint, and read. Because I like it. It's nice. I created time to do what I love. I guess I just don't do that anymore.

I spend a lot of valuable time with people that I love though. That, I do very well.

So there is one difference between college-time and post-college-real-world... I'm no longer alone. I don't spend my full days on my independent schedule which only revolved around some classes and meetings, where every other moment was mine and mine to do with. Now, I choose to share my time with people that I love. And then I fill up my free time with things that I haven't been doing, which is usually chores.

What I need to do now is this: be intentional with everything.
Make my time count for something (non-monetary).
Toss in the occasional paint session or go kayak on my way home from work.
Make it happen because no one is going to do the fun things in my life for me.

In that intentionality, I will hopefully find more freedom.
Because, although I want to be able to make intentional time to the kitschy things that I love to do, I also want to intentionally make time to create a good life for myself. I have been thinking of opening up a fitness studio, and that is going to take a heaping ton of effort and time for years to come. If I can't make my time work for me now, how am I going to accomplish a task such as a small business? This girl has to get her booty in gear and step into the real world with eyes wide open, heart to the Lord, and intentionality in her feet.

song: "Take Care" -- City and Colour

my own

"One thing is clear to me, however, that one personally-- that is consciously-- has very little control over the

yes or no, but rather

time decides everything.

Maybe not with everybody, but in any event with me.

Recently, I have noticed again and again that 

all of the decisions I had made were not really my own decisions."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

hunger

"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him..."

(Matthew 3)

Vulnerable. Needy. Unfulfilled. Lacking in something. Desperate. Incomplete. Tired. 

And then the tempter makes its move. When we are at our wit's end, or simply not at our strongest. 

I've experienced a taste of this over the past few months. Without going into details, I can attest to this all, and I bet you can too.  Satan would love nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy or joy and our love for Christ. He numbs it down and makes it not so glorious. He makes us feel like our lives are sub-par, as if we're just like everybody else in the world. But we're not. We are created by the Father and Creator of all things to be children of the Living and Active God Almighty, who actually  gave himself in the form of Jesus to be killed a strong death for the very sin that had once separated us from him because he wanted us SO badly. Who would do that? I mean really... who!?! Our society doesn't work that way, so it doesn't make sense to us. Or at least it doesn't make sense to me. But I sure want to believe it to be true. 

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

But we get hungry, and we forget about all of this. Hungry for more, for better, to be satisfied, to be different. Hunger is confusing. 

A few weeks ago I was trying to do the "paleo" diet (no grains, no dairy, no artificialities), and I realized that the diet itself was perfectly easy to follow-- but I couldn't let myself get to the point of hunger without being able to see my paleo food in sight, because otherwise I became irrational. I wanted to grab a piece of hearty toast, or a slice of cake, or yogurt or anything that was right in front of me, just to "take the edge off". Of course none of those things are inherently bad at all.. they're still healthy! But they weren't what I needed then, because I had made a decision to not eat those things at that time. Hunger does that to you though. It makes you want to drop all of your rules and fences. You just want to hurry up and take the edge away from your hunger, even if that means cheating a little bit. 

When I read Matthew 3 about Jesus being tempted by Satan, though, I feel encouraged. He was hungry and vulnerable, but he didn't give in. He was tempted with instant gratification, immortality, and ultimate power. Each time the tempter put out the bait for Jesus, Jesus would come back at him with Scripture. He didn't even try to make up excuses of why it's maybe not the best idea because of dot dot dot. He just throws Scripture in the face of temptation, because he knows that it speaks the loudest and is the truest of all. 

I'm totally imperfect at all of this, but I'm so thankful that my eyes have been opened to some sort of insight into what's going on behind closed doors when I'm feeling tempted into any wrong-doings. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him all creatures here below;

Praise him above, ye heavenly host;

Praise Father, Son, Holy Ghost. Amen.

expect amazing things

Set me as a seal upon your heart,

as a seal upon your arm,

for love is as strong as death,

jealousy as fierce as the grave.

Its flashes are flashes of fire,

the very flame of the Lord.

Many waters cannot quench love,

neither can floods drown it.

If a man offered for love

all the wealth of his house,

he would be utterly despised.

[song of solomon 8:6-7]

Intensity. Passion. Emotionally charged. Strong beyond measure. Gripping. 

When I read this, I'm struck by how watered-down my personal expectation of love is, and I'm guessing I'm not the only one. This is what we can expect out of the love that we receive from God on a daily basis. We can also expect ourselves to give greater love and to receive greater love. We can expect AMAZING things out of our God, our selves, our lives. I challenge you to expect amazing things today and to live like you believe that its possible to experience amazing things in your life. It's all about perspective and deep belief. 

oh!

Well, here's a delightful truth that I can say out loud and actually mean:

I am content.